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At home, I’m a cantankerous old git. On the boat, after a week’s cruising, I’m just a cantankerous old git with dirty hair.

Steve Haywood has a problem. He doesn’t know where he comes from. In the south, people think he’s a northerner; in the north, they think he’s from the south. Judged against global warming and the sad demise of Celebrity Big Brother, this hardly registers highly on the Richter scale of world disasters. But it’s enough to worry Steve. And it’s enough of an excuse for him to escape the routine of his life in London for a voyage of discovery along England’s inland waterways.
Travelling by traditional narrowboat, he heads north from Banbury in deepest Oxfordshire, through the former industrial wastelands of the now vibrantly modern Manchester, to the trendy affluence of Hebden Bridge at the centre of West Yorkshire’s ciabatta belt. With irrepressible humour he describes the history of the canals, his encounters with characters along the way, and the magic that makes England’s waterways so appealing.

She was particularly taken with the small narrow ledges that ran along either side of the boat. For a cat, four inches is an airport runway – she could dance a Moonwalk along them on her two hind legs, juggling at the same time.

Steve has a new member of crew aboard his narrowboat, Justice – but maybe not the kind he’d have wanted if he’d known the trouble she’d cause. Kit, an untidy bundle of fur with all the attitude you would expect from a ‘sarf Lunnun’ cat, joins him on a mission to discover lost parts of England. Steve gets a different perspective on the modern world as he cruises the canals through a landscape unchanged for centuries, visiting picturesque towns and waterway festivals along the way.

If I’d really been serious about getting to grips with my mid-life crisis, then I’d have been better opting for a course of therapy than going off travelling. Or if I had to travel, I’d have been better opting for somewhere warm with a beach…

In an attempt to get to grips with a BIG birthday, Steve sets out from Oxford to explore what makes the English… well, so English. His quirky humour is inspired by Tom Rolt, who took to the canals on a similar journey immortalised in the book ‘Narrow Boat’, kick-starting the revival of Britain’s waterways. Prepare for a generous helping of mayhem, mishaps and the staple of every English summer: torrential rain. First published as ‘Fruit Flies Like a Banana’ this revised edition with new material is published to coincide with the 70-year anniversary of Tom Rolt’s own classic trip.

“A vibrant, often hilarious emotional and physical journey. And let’s be honest, who hasn’t wanted to drift away on a narrowboat?” – Ian Moore, author of Death and Croissants

All Boats Are Sinking is a memoir of love, life and chaos on a narrowboat, perfect for fans of Dolly Alderton, Helen Fielding and Phoebe Waller-Bridge

“All boats are sinking, Hannah, just at different rates.”

After a break-up, some hit the gym; some cut their hair; others have a one-night stand. In the aftermath of her break-up, Hannah bought a narrowboat.

Newly single and plunged into life on the water, Hannah had to learn quickly how to grapple with exploding toilets, disappearing hulls, and the curious glances and questions from pedestrians on the towpath. But when career burn-out, a global pandemic and an ill-advised rebound relationship threatened to sink her, Hannah felt the need to escape. In a bid to let go of the past and restore her sense of self-worth, she embarked on a narrowboat odyssey which took her from the bustling streets of London to the tranquil yet dramatic waterways of West Yorkshire.

Suffering from an apparent magnetism to drama but buoyed by her brilliant friends, Hannah tells of the challenges of off-grid life as a single 30-something on the water. All this as she tries to balance the tension between owning her singledom and giving in to a deep desire to find love.

Peppered with lists, recipes, maps, footnotes and diagrams, and spanning hundreds of miles of the British waterways, it’s an uplifting and often hilarious story of adventure and personal growth, and of a woman trying to keep her boat and life afloat. And to answer that perennial question: yes, it’s cold on the boat in winter.